These 5 Secrets Will Change Your Married Sex Life

This post is co-authored by Qarinah Aliah

Talking about sex openly in Singapore might still seem like a taboo. But speaking to your partner about it shouldn’t be.

Four in 10 Singaporeans think that a good sex life will make them better partners, make them feel healthier, less stressed, and happier overall. In spite of all those benefits, less than a quarter talk to their partners about improving their sex lives.

Could this be a reason why married sex tends to get stale after awhile? Without proper communication about your sexual desires, it’s unsurprising that the frequency of sex dwindles.

But how often should married couples be making love in the first place?

Frequency Of Sex

While there is no ‘right’ answer to this, Ian Kerner, PhD, advises that couples should hit the sack at least once a week. Through a study conducted with over 20,000 couples, he found that a meagre 26% of couples hit the once-a-week mark.

This means that the majority of couples were doing it way less frequently, at only twice or once a month! We certainly hope our #WomenOfWaistlab don’t fall into this category!

Marital sex is a powerful act that can bring you closer as a couple. Here are 5 tips to help you and your partner resuscitate your sex life:

1. Get Your Bodies Moving

In case you don’t know, a lack of exercise can dampen libido. That’s just a sophisticated way of saying that a lack of exercise is what’s making you or your partner less horny. This might explain why either of you might not be interested in making love.

Laura Hensley from Apptive lists 5 ways exercising can affect your sex life:

Working out makes you feel sexy
Exercise enhances your sexual performance
Physical activity reduces stress -- and stress is a mood killer
Working out improves blood circulation
Strength and flexibility help with sex positions

Why not take your hubby out for an evening jog? Who knows - you might end up finishing that cardio somewhere else!

2. Share Your Fantasies

Face the fact: everybody has sexual fantasies. Everyone.

Most people are afraid that their partners will judge them for having fantasies that might seem too ‘out there’ or just plain weird. Well, who cares?

Roger Libby, PhD, assures that having fantasies is normal; in fact, sharing fantasies is underutilized by couples. He encourages couples to share their innermost desires with their partners to heat things up in the bedroom.

If you wanted to try the vibrators from Watson’s, now’s the time to try it!

Or how about sex with a waist trainer? Has anyone tried that?

3. Initiate The Sex

Who typically initiates the sex? Is it you or your husband?

It’s not surprising to find that one of you tends to initiate sex more often disproportionately. If this happens, you shouldn’t take it lightly and assume that this is just the ‘norm’ in your relationship.

"For most people the goal is not only to get a partner to have sex, but also to get our partner to want to have sex, and at the same time as we do.” - Petra Zebroff, PhD, Psychology Today

So it seems that a major lack of sexual initiation could possibly signal that you or your partner does not want to have sex as badly as the other.

Everyone has different ways of how they want sex to start. Just because you get turned on by hot kissing doesn’t mean that your partner does too. Understand what your partner prefers and put it into practice.

4. Disconnect Technologically, Connect Emotionally

Picture this common scene: it’s almost bedtime, and you and your hubby are laying next to each other. Both of you are busy scrolling through your social media feeds without even talking or looking at each other.

The audacity!

This digital connection is energy-consuming, libido-draining and can interrupt your sleep cycle. It might even be interpreted as being downright disrespectful to your partner.

Put that phone down and engage with each other emotionally -- speak to each other and listen. Share your joys and frustrations with each other; laugh and embrace one another. Nothing is sexier than a real, human connection with your partner.

5. Staycation

A romantic staycation over the weekend is the perfect way to reset your bedroom life. It’s time to book that fancy hotel suite you’ve been eyeing for awhile! The bigger, the better *wink*

Sure, you could get it on in the privacy of your own home. But it’s incredibly unsexy when you have to clean up afterwards and make the bed. Let’s not forget that you always have to keep your eye on the door in case the kids come in.

Couples often overlook how alluring a tidy hotel room with a nicely made bed, a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign, desirable lingerie and room service can be. No kids, no making of the bed, no checking of laptops or handphones for work; just making love and cuddling in bed. How sweet is that?